Dear folks that send me your resume and want a job,
Thanks for your interest. I read through your resume and noticed that you’re far more educated and experienced than any member of my small staff. I receive this type of letter somewhat regularly, and I usually don’t respond. I think it’s actually somewhat exciting, honestly. You are validating my work, or maybe just my website, I’m not sure which. Either way, I appreciate it, and hope you send me an update when you have settled in your new job, which is most likely at the Martin Agency.
Sometimes I want to write back and ask what you think my company is, and what our offices look like. I have a rough idea that I based off some offices I saw on Apartment Therapy, and they look nothing like my current workspace. There is a front desk, it’s actually really nice. I’ll draw it for you some day. I thought about trying to hire you, I can tell you are having trouble finding work just like most of the country right now. I know both of those degrees were probably very expensive, and you are eager to start paying off your loans. Unfortunately, I couldn’t pay you much more than your allowance was when you were 12..or maybe when I was 12. You may have had a great allowance, or none. This letter might need updates depending on who is reading it.
Anyway, I hope this doesn’t disuade you from staying in touch. If for some reason you start playing music, I’d be happy to design your record layout. Please continue to check our website, as we will update when our hiring freeze is lifted. Please don’t let the ‘blog’ page affect your opinion of Kitchen Table Legs Screen Printing and Graphic Design Co. of Richmond, Virginia, Inc. It is an excellent way to show our current workload to eager customers. It is rather unfortunate that it is also fun to use, and I like taking pictures of things…not even important things, I really just like pictures, drawings. I’m a step away from posting funny links, it’s actually quite scary.
I wish you the best of luck on your journey to employment. Way back when, before I had this lovely company to fall back on, I remember the job hunt being very difficult. I think I worked 3 jobs and did my computer work and screen printing at night. It was a wild time, but I’m glad it’s over. Sorry to ramble! Please stop in to the office any time, we would love to hear from you again.
Sincerely,
L Kornhauser
Owner, Kitchen Table Legs Screen Printing and Graphic Design Co. of Richmond, Virginia, Inc.
1 response so far ↓
1 Liz // Feb 17, 2010 at 7:01 pm
Dear future rejecter,
I read your open letter and thought to myself, what luck! Not only has this kind fellow saved me the arduous task of trying to fabricate some sort of relevant resume, but it also appears that he wants to hire someone just like me! Using my famed powers of deduction, I have determined that you are looking for someone without any sort of applicable education or experience, who enjoys a nice front desk and photos of your dog, and who didn’t get much of an allowance as a kid. Or when you were a kid. I’m not exactly sure. Regardless- I think I’m your gal!
Due to a recent inflammation of my chronic unemployment, I have plenty of free time these days and I’ve been trying to find someone to teach me how to screen print. I considered starting a band and using said band to trick you into teaching me your ways, but the kids I found on Craigslist blew me off when they saw my RockBand drum set. Perhaps you would be willing to consider a trade? Are you are interested in a closet full of gently worn Avail and Action Patrol tee-shirts from the mid-nineties? I may be willing to negotiate the inclusion of several patches and stickers, but would have to think about it for a while.
Let me know if this sounds good to you, but please don’t try to get in touch between 9AM and 5PM, because that’s when I sit by the phone and wait for the Martin Agency to return my calls.
Sincerely,
Liz
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